So I bought two $1 scratchers tonight. Didn't expect much from them, I was right, didn't win anything. But it's funny how the idea of winning gets your mind to wander and think about the things you would do if you won a lot of money. I know that my list of things to do has been altered. I would still help out my parents and my siblings, but now I would buy the house that I am living in and take some time off and just spruce it up. I have many thoughts running through my head for what I would do if I won the lotto....just would be nice to win.

Yea so we get home, me and Strohs, she decided to come and see me at work just before I got off. So around midnight she gets a call saying that so and so....won't name names... is buying drinks and we shoudl come down...so wadda we do, we go..... OF COURSE.... I mean who would give up FREE drinks!! Yea so I'm drunk.... Hey my typing is pretty good considering..... haha...

It has come to my attention that I truly need to just focus on my life and where it's going. Finding love is just too emotionally and mentally draining, and I don't need that right now. I've realized that all I can count on are my girls, and my roommate is one of them. We decided that the only people we need right now are each other, and we are going to look out for each other, and we are going to grow with each other, and we are going to be happy. And once our lives are in the right spot, then we will find love, until then, we are going to have a great time finding ourselves in this big scary world.

So I get a txt from him yesterday while I'm at work asking if I needed more time to think, or if we are over. I tell him I can't do this right now. Later I send him an email via my cell phone, he told me not to call him cause he was over his minutes, basically explaining that we are just not the right fit. He emails me twice asking why and going on and on at how much he still loves me and misses me and cares for me and blah blah yadda yadda, but he's asking why and what is it, so though I didn't want to hash out the issues, because I know that they are things that he can't change, because they are him, I reply telling him. Now I really wanted to do this when I was at home, cause I could have done a better email, but I was at work, and I didn't want to wait. So he sends me a reply lashing out and going on and on, and being very mean, then finally he ends the email with "So enjoy your life, you fat ass fuck. May you never find love again." Now tell me, who is the mature one. *throws hands up in the air and walks off*

So I've not talked to him since yesterday afternoon. No emails, no txts, no IM's, nothing, kinda reminds me of what happened with my last boyfriend, which makes my blood boil. He's had ample time to find out why I've not talked to him, but I guess at 40 he's still a child. Oh well, it saves me any effort, plus I'm not going to make myself visible on yahoo, I'm going to force him to either call me, txt me or email me. And if he does none of these things then I will deem our relationship over. I'm not going to do this, he's friggen older than me and is acting immature, I guess age doesn't determine maturity after all.

Men suck, I can't stay with the one that I am with. There is just too many things that bother me, and I just don't see a future with him. He's a great guy, but his views on some things just don't mesh with me. I am an assertive, aggressive, direct, opinionated woman, and he doesn't like women like that. I don't really understand why he has been dating me for the last two months, knowing this is how I am. I just can't take his jealousy of my relationship with Strohs. I can't do it, I'm not going to fight between her and him. He knew from the beginning that she comes first, she has been here longer than him. I think he's not ready for a new person, he needs time to get his shit together before he tries to get invovled with someone new.